Ask Angelo Pezzote

Single And Sick Of It? Feel Empty? A Void? Coupled Yet Lonely? Fear Coming Out?

2009-12-07T08:49:00.005-05:00

"Thank you for providing me encouragement to find love and to love myself through reading your book." Frank

What's getting in your way of loving yourself and finding love? The biggest problem most gays face is internalized homonegativity. This means we automatically ingest the negative stereotypes, beliefs, and feelings of society about gays, and therefore feel inadequate ourselves deep inside. Even if we're out, many of us tone down our trueselves for fear of being too gay, flamboyant, or effeminate, modifying our own behavior to be more acceptable. This unconscious shame causes us problems like low self-esteem, self-destructive behavior like alcohol and drug abuse, unsafe sex, and eating disorders, disconnection like attitude, and the list goes on. For the way out, find out how to love yourself and find love by reading STRAIGHT ACTING � GAY MEN, MASCULINITY, AND FINDING TRUE LOVE by Kensington

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Lessen Your Troubles Something Just Not Right? Wondering, "When Do Things Get Better?"

2009-09-22T00:21:00.005-04:00

Lessen Your Troubles
Something Just Not Right? Wondering, "When Do Things Get Better?"Angelo Pezzote
Mission Statement: We as gay men internalize the homonegativity of the world, thus imposing it upon ourselves. Many of us police our own behavior in an attempt to emulate the dominant group. We may try to conform to fit in as best we can. This causes us problems like shame, low esteem, self-destructive behavior, and disconnection. Thus, I advocate to eradicate both internalized and external homonegativity. I approach gayness as something that's positive, natural, and healthy. Much of our suffering comes from experiencing other people's negative reactions to us being gay, not from being gay by nature. I think almost all gay men experience social and psychological trauma because of prejudicial gay stigma, discrimination, and oppression. We are significantly stressed and unfairly challenged by the toxic homophobic atmosphere of our heterosexist culture, and negatively impacted by the dysfunctional responses of others. Having walked the walk, I help gay men thrive and sustain relationship in a sometimes insensitve world, providing trauma resolution.

It's my goal to help change damaging experiences for gay men by: improving the poisonous homophobic atmosphere of our culture, alleviating symptoms or problems arising from these sensitive issues, fostering self-acceptance and self-love, affirming non-shameful authentic sexual identity, encouraging personal growth, and improving relationships. Thus, all of my work is in the context of being gay-affirmative.

"My Life Has Changed Considerable Because I Followed Your Advice On How To Like Myself And Find A Lasting Relationship, Freddy.”

http://www.AskAngelo.com

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Ever Want Your Own "Personal Assistant?" Should I Have A Therapist?

2009-07-12T22:31:00.006-04:00

Angelo, I always avoided the idea of 'therapy' because I felt I would have to admit that there is something wrong with me --JT.

Hogwash! Therapy doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It's a tool for personal growth. It's necessary wellness education. I work by internet (skype), phone, or in person.
In choosing a psychotherapist, research reveals the most important thing for successful therapy outcomes is the therapist. But it isn't anything about the therapist that matters. What matters most is that they're a good fit for you. The right relationship makes a difference.
In my private psychotherapy practice, I provide an evaluation period consisting of an initial consultation, as well as one to four more trial visits, so we can both take the time to decide whether I 'm the best match for your therapeutic needs. Thereeafter, if psychotherapy is initiated, we usually schedule one session per week at a mutually agreed time. I work by internet (skype), phone, or in person. I invite you to Contact me or simply pay and schedule.

You may also want to read the articles under Psychotherapy Treatment and FAQs for more helpful information about what you can expect from psychotherapy treatment.

-Angelo
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Straight Man With Gay Dreams / Thoughts

2009-06-18T15:12:00.001-04:00

Dear Angelo,

As far as I know I’m a happily married straight man. I dream about having sex with men on occasion. I’ve never done it in real life and really have no desire to do so. But does having gay dreams mean I’m a "repressed" gay?

Signed, HomoErotic Dreamer

Dear HomoErotic Dreamer,

There’s a difference between sexual fantasy (what you think), sexual behavior (what you do), and sexual identity (what you are). In fact, they can all be independent phenomena, meaning one doesn’t necessarily have to do with the other.

Having same-sex fantasies doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay. Having many different kinds of fantasies you may never act on is normal, especially when you masturbate. For instance, some people have sexual rape fantasies, but wouldn’t want to be raped in real life. As long as they stay in our heads, fantasies are just harmless thoughts.

Same-sex behavior is also fairly common. Dr. Kinsey published Sexual Behavior In The Human Male in 1948. Even in those relatively conservative times and much to the shock of America, Dr. Kinsey reported that a lot of the men he surveyed acknowledged having a same sex experience in their lifetime. In fact, almost half of the men said they had a sexual experience with another male at least once. And at least one out of three men said they had reached orgasm with another guy before age 45. The vast majority of men self-identified as heterosexual, not gay. A relatively recent survey out of New York showed at least one in ten straight men acknowledged having sex with another man in the last year.

Both Dr. Kinsey and Dr. Freud believed that human male sexuality is fluid. Most men aren’t simply all gay or all straight. Sex with a member of the same sex is a natural occurrence demonstrated by both humans and animals. Fruit flies, rams, flamingos, apes, whales - over 1,500 animal species in all - sometimes "play" with the same sex, some exclusively. So homosexuality is not unnatural, or a crime against nature, and having sex with a member of the same sex is relatively common. In many cultures, same-sex encounters are not unusual for straight men who are the tops, active, or insertive partners. It’s only the bottom, passive, or receptive partner that’s viewed as gay.

So a man can have gay fantasies and even gay sex and still not be gay overall. Although, suffice it to say that a fair share of men may compartmentalize such spheres and go so far as to "act" straight because of the profound stigma, loss, and potential danger that comes from openly acknowledging a full gay identity.

A gay identity is forged when you are predominately attracted to the same sex, act on that attraction, and feel like you want to romantically love and share your life with a member of the same sex. And the personal is political. In short, being gay is about a convergence of feelings - a mind, body, spiritual, and social orientation, not just a sexual one.

Don’t be afraid of your fantasies. They mean you’re human. While I don't encourage deceit, especially if you're in a committed heterosexual relationship, I do encourage you to explore them in a self-accepting, open, and honest way and see where that leads you.

All My Best, Angelo Pezzote - Published Author, Columnist, and Psychotherapist. http://www.askangelo.com/
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Setting The Record Straight

2009-04-18T14:33:00.009-04:00

I was very touched in reading all of your posts. I am so sorry that many of you have been hurt by members of my (the gay) community. It might help if I clarify exactly what I'm about. While I don't know what it's like to be a woman or to be straight, I do know what it's like to be betrayed. It sucks. It hurts. It makes you sad. It makes you angry. It makes it hard to trust. In short - it's excruciating and devastating. While the focus of my marketing is on gay men, I have the education and experience to help everyone. And in my work, I don't condone gay men hiding their sexuality in any way, especially if it hurts the innocent people who love them. In fact, all of my work is geared toward helping gay men accept and love themselves for who and what they are - gay! My work is also about helping gay men find authentic connection with others, connection that's not based on facades. My book Straight Acting - Gay Men, Masculinity, and Finding True Love is all about the damage that shame based lying does when gay men act straight, hiding who they are, and it aims to stop it - teaching gay men how to live authentically. While the focus of the book is on gay men, it's really a book for all men and anyone in a relationship with a man. It helps us understand how cultural homophobia and heterosexism drive men to do some of the things they do, including gay men marrying women. And sometimes it's understanding what happened to us and why that can help us heal.

Notes From Hollywood writes, "Pezzote’s book is filled with words of wisdom for moms, wives, sisters, girlfriends, and daughters as well. All men and anyone in relationship with a man (fathers, brothers, sons, husbands, boyfriends) have something to learn from Straight Acting.

My only regret when reading Angelo Pezzote’s Straight Acting: Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love was realizing that, given the title, ‘straight’ men everywhere may not read the book, missing out on the powerful, transformational, life-affirming consequences. In Straight Acting, Pezzote skillfully and with heart and passion describes the behavioral, emotional and spiritual prison most men are trapped in, and details the escape route for any man to live more openly and freely within himself and in the real world."

I hope this helps and I am available if you need my support.

All My Best, Angelo Pezzote - Published Author, Columnist, and Psychotherapist. www.askangelo.com

Angelo Hears You

2009-04-16T19:21:00.005-04:00

Hi everyone. I'm so honored by all your replies and the trust you're placing in me. I'm so sorry for the long delay in my reply. I've been out of the country. This is just a friendly note to let you know that I am catching up and will be responding to all of you over the next day or so. Best, Angelo Pezzote - Author Of Straight Acting http://www.askangelo.com

Explosive and Controversial Memoir by Dennis J. Schleicher: Why Is My Husband Gay? Did I Make Him Gay?

2009-04-08T02:43:00.000-04:00

Explosive and Controversial Memoir by Dennis J. Schleicher: Why Is My Husband Gay? Did I Make Him Gay?

The Gay Man's Therapist by Angelo Pezzote

2009-04-07T23:08:00.009-04:00

Your Weekly Affirmtion: The sun is always shining behind the clouds, even if grey skies is all you can see. ~Angelo
All's He Cares About Is Himself!

Dear Angelo,

I am in love with my friend but he doesn't feel the same way about me. In fact, he's very self-absorbed. All he cares about is himself. He doesn't even treat me good, but he's all I think about. I can't imagine my life without him. I need him. I wish he could just see that I'm what he's been looking for. I find myself really lonely, doubting myself and questioning things. I'm miserable, thinking of hurting myself, knowing I'll never be able to be with him. I wonder if things will ever improve for me. I'm so confused right now. I don't want to end up old and alone surrounded by cats and dogs.

Signed, Sinking Ship

Dear Sinking Ship,

I'm sorry you're suffering through this awful situation. The pain of unrequited love can be excruciating and the ensuing grief can seem unbearable. I'm so glad you sent out this S.O.S. ! And you know what? Your use of humor at the end ("surrounded by cats and dogs") tells me you're going to be okay.

In the movie Titanic, Rose has to let go of Jack's frozen hand (allowing him to sink underwater) to get rescued. The lesson is that sometimes we have to let go of something we love to save ourselves. It's better for you to let him go and suffer the relatively short-term emotional pain rather than drawing out the misery of not having him. Anything less is masochistic.

As painful as it is, every time you think of him say, "I release you and wish you well." Then ask yourself, "what do I need to do to take care of myself right now?" Then do that. You must believe that you're trading this relationship in for a better one. The Universe is already directing the right guy to cross your path at the right time. Focus on that new love to come rather than on what didn't work out.

I also suggest you call the Trevor Project (a 24/7 confidential gay suicide & crisis prevention helpline http://www.trevorproject.org ) immediately at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR or 1-866-488-7386. I also recommend you consult with mental health experts such as a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. It's also a good idea to attend a 12-step group such as CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous http://www.codependents.org ) or Al-Anon (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org ) for self-care, learning how to keep the focus on yourself.

All The Best, Angelo.

Author of Straight Acting - Gay Men, Masculinity, And Finding True Love http://www.askangelo.com
Life...Who's Helping With Yours? Did you know I personally provide one on one support by telephone and internet (Skype) no matter where you are? I even pay for the call (by calling you). And for you recessionistas, I have a special low fee for your first session by phone or internet Reduced Introductory Session so you can try me out. I've actually reduced my fees in general to help my clients during this awful recession, and have phone/internet packages and rewards to help you save even more! There will never be a better time to begin than right now. Details
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Feel free to forward this e-zine to a friend. If they like it they can join to get it free at AskAngelo.com Win a free autographed copy of my book as a raffle prize. Anyone who joins our newsletter list or refers someone to our list in the next 30 days is entered. Join

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Supportively Yours,

Angelo Pezzote, MA, NCC, LMHC, LMFT, RPH

Tel (917) 673-5003 Manhattan, NY

www.AskAngelo.com

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Dennis Schleicher's book Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-mail Diaries is Riveting

2009-03-30T17:56:00.002-04:00

Dear Angelo,

I love your blog (http://www.askangelo.blogspot.com). I found out about you as I am involved in a gay support group. I have an issue that I hope you can help address and clarify. Author Dennis Schleicher (Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-mail Diaries) is adamant that in order to be a part of his support network that we as gay married men all have to have goals. One of the goals is that we must plan to come out and come clean to our wives. I have an issue with this as I am not ready to come out to my wife and family. Why should I be segregated from his support group if I choose not to comply with his guidelines? I need his support group as it’s a great way for me to connect and hook up with other guys in my shoes. If he finds out that I do not have a plan, I'm afraid I will be asked to leave the group. This is just not fair! That's my problem.

Signed, Married Gay Man

Dear Married Gay Man,

Coming out is not an event. It's a lifelong process of overcoming learned shame and increasing self-acceptance. I advocate that all gay men must strive to come out - fully. No one can truly be happy and thrive in the shame and secrecy of being in the closet - fully or partially. (That includes Ted Haggard. You can watch my youtube video opinion on Ted at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcF9Q5ibacY.) The only way others will accept us is if we are brave enough to accept ourselves, being out. The most effective weapon against homophobia is being out. Those that know a gay person are more likely to be supportive of equal gay rights. So overall, I support Dennis' position in principle and respect his right to have his rules. I am sure he has good reasons for them.

However, I also support your right to come out on your own timetable. I think as long as you're striving for and working towards full disclosure as a goal, I think you should be allowed to remain in the group. If however, you have no intention of moving in that direction, then you should respect his group rules and withdraw. It's a tough call. It's like an alcoholic coming into treatment with me who isn't ready for AA. Is it better for me to support him, meeting him where he's at and guiding him toward recovery, or to refuse to treat him until he stops drinking and joins AA? For better or worse, I do the former, but the key is in either case - the client has to have to want to stop drinking. Similarly, you have to want to come out to be "treated." But the "when" of it needs to be left up to you.

You're not alone. Every gay man takes the journey from the closet to a life of authenticity. Coming out is the struggle that unites us as gay men.

Aside, Dennis Schleicher's book Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-mail Diaries is riveting. At once the reader's taken in, identifying with the author's suffering for being different and his plight for love in a desert of intimacy called the gay community. Dennis writes (my composite),

I don't like what the gay community has to offer. I've been to gay bars and find the people to be extremely clique-y and shallow and into themselves. I am so tired of dealing with the gay scene, the cattiness, the “I promise to call you,” or the “We have so much in common, where have you been my whole life?” Only to never hear from that other man again…the gay community isn't emotionally available or stable. It is a natural desire and need I have, as a human being, to be physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually close with another person. Is this what all human man kind want’s? This is my history with gay men since I first came out--always searching for love but never finding the commitment that I am so desperately seeking. I have to tell you, I've been burned so many times by gay men, I'm questioning whether or not I'm actually gay. I'm not physically attracted to the female anatomy, but I'm attracted to the emotional stability that I have seen in my female friends.

As I write about in my own book Straight Acting - Gay Men, Masculinity, and Finding True Love, learned shame derived from heterosexism and gay stigma lead many gay men to tone down the signals that they're gay and turn up "real man" traits to gain more acceptance. After all, if a guy's too "out" he may face loss, social humiliation, and life threatening danger for being perceived as weak or "a fag." This causes many men to hide, keeping their sexuality in the closet, or muting their "gayness" once their out. Either way, this tough straight acting facade blocks men from one another's hearts, making building meaningful lasting relationships challenging to say the least.

Dennis takes us on his journey of how he was driven to look for love from a closeted married man because of the lack of emotional availability of many openly gay men. You don’t go to Holland to buy Tulips if they’re down at the corner store. He was further pushed to this extreme in his search for love by his experience of gay men's mistreatment of one another. Dating a closeted married man was a desperate cry for help to be rescued from the pain of gay loneliness. He was seeking an oasis where he could fill his heart with some “real” intimacy. Being fed up with openly gay men, perhaps he felt it was the best he could hope for.

Many men like Dennis are walking around in a gay wasteland looking for love. They’re dazed in despair, crying out for love in an often hostile barren land. Their alienation is intensified not only because it's hard for men to feel safe, supported, and comfortable enough in our society to love each other openly, but also because it's hard for gay men to love themselves from all the rejection they face. Hence, many of us find ourselves all alone with a hole inside and a constant craving to fill it. We have a burning desire for love in a community that seems to have lack and limitation around it. Being alone, or single, only reinforces an underlying sense of inferiority ― that there’s something wrong with us.

Dennis's book helps men understand how not being authentic not only hurts themselves, but hurts others who love them (wives, children, the other man). His crusade to help gay men be out and proud and to treat each other with love and respect is a must read for any man struggling with his sexuality and those that love them; A perfect compliment to Straight Acting - Gay Men, Masculinity, and Finding True Love.

All The Best, Angelo

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Get Angelo's book "Straight Acting" In Book Stores Now!

Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.
The Gay Man's Therapist

Do you have a question for Angelo to address in his column? Email ask@askangelo.com

Would you appreciate a safe supportive environment to talk about personal concerns? Get useful tools from a specialist who understands.

Podcasts, Teleseminars, Advice On Demand, Workshops, Groups and Private Practice Available. Manhattan, NY Office Tel: (917) 673-5003. www.AskAngelo.com

© Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C., All Rights Reserved

Ask Angelo - The Gay Man's Therapist

2009-03-30T17:34:00.003-04:00

It seems like Spring will never come (at least in the northeast). A long winter can be discouraging. Here's a tip on how to Spring Ahead.
Dear Angelo,

I am done with winter. In fact, I feel done with everything. I recently got laid off, have some health problems, and am turning 45. So much in my life is changing and I'm not sure I have the strength to go on. There doesn't seem to be anything to look forward to. Do you have any suggestions for me?

Signed, Feel Like Giving up

Dear Feel Like Giving Up,

Imagine a newborn infant having come into the world in Alaska in the middle of winter, knowing no spring. Thinking that's all there is, the infant might say (if it could speak), "Hey, I don't want to exist in this dark, cold, icy, barren world." You and I would tell the infant, "Just hold on a little longer. Soon it will be spring, a time of light, warmth, and life. You'll see. Don't give up." The infant replies, "Are you crazy!? I don't believe anything will ever get better." If the baby decided to die we would all wail - "what a tragedy!" - knowing that spring were just ahead - if only the child had waited just a bit more everything would have changed - turned around for the better.

Your spring is coming. This is not the end, but the beginning. The Universe has good things in store for your future. The best is yet to come. You must have hope, trust, faith, belief, optimism - whatever word you choose - that Life is always working for you, never against you. Sure we all face tough challenges, i.e. hard long winters, yet a spring always follows. If something isn't going well it's because something better's planned ahead. There's meaning in our trials. For instance, we're stretched and we grow; our negative experience of winter makes the joy of spring more ecstatic.

In my darkest moments, I make a point to find something beautiful in whatever's around me - seeing a flower, appreciating the architecture of an old building, a stranger's smile...Yes, life can be nasty, but it can also be lovely. You can change your mindset or approach to life, focusing on the good. We create what we believe. You're already strong from being a gay man in this country. You have the power to make things ugly or beautiful.

All The Best, Angelo. Author of Straight Acting - Gay Men, Masculinity, And Finding True Love http://www.askangelo.com
Life...Who's Helping With Yours? Did you know I personally provide one on one support by telephone and internet (Skype) no matter where you are? I even pay for the call (by calling you). And for you recessionistas, I have a reduced fee by phone or internet Special Introductory Session so you can try me out. I've actually reduced my in-office fees in general to help my clients during this awful recession, and have in-office introductory packages and rewards to help you save even more! There will never be a better time to begin than right now. Details
Next Event MAKING LOVE Thu APR 16 8-10pm LGBT Center Free (Donation).
Want more Ask Angelo advice? Want to Blog, Chat, Connect? Not yet a member? Register.
Missed a Natty Newsletter? Sign in to the Members Area at AskAngelo.com and go to the Archives under your Mailing Lists tab.

Feel free to forward this e-zine to a friend. If they like it they can join to get it free at AskAngelo.com Win a free autographed copy of my book as a raffle prize. Anyone who joins our newsletter list or refers someone to our list in the next 30 days is entered. Join

LIFE...WHO'S HELPING WITH YOURS?

LESSEN YOUR TROUBLES

ASKANGELO.COM

Supportively Yours,

Angelo Pezzote, MA, NCC, LMHC, LMFT, RPH

Tel (917) 673-5003 Manhattan, NY

www.AskAngelo.com

www.AskAngelo.blogspot.com

ASK ANGELO ON TED HAGGARD - YOUTUBE

2009-02-08T21:44:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcF9Q5ibacY

Homophobia, Shame, Fear, to Developing a Positive Sexual Identity

2009-01-28T15:10:00.000-05:00

Homophobia, Shame, Fear, to Developing a Positive Sexual Identity
Angelo Pezzote works to free us all form horrible fear, humiliation and shame, toward recognizing the negative impact of homophobia on us and the importance of developing a positive sexual identity.

Mr. Pezzote, having walked the walk, he helps gay men thrive and sustain relationship in a sometimes insensitive world. He approach’s gayness as something that could be positive, natural, and healthy. Thus, all of his work is in the context of being gay-affirmative. It’s his goal to help change damaging experiences for gay men by: improving the poisonous homophobic atmosphere of our culture, alleviating symptoms or problems arising from these sensitive issues, fostering self-acceptance and self-love, affirming non-shameful authentic sexual identity, encouraging personal growth, and improving relationships.

Angelo feels almost all gay men experience social and psychological trauma because of prejudicial gay stigma, discrimination and oppression. We are significantly stressed and unfairly challenged by the toxic homophobic atmosphere of our heterosexist culture and negatively impacted by the dysfunctional responses of others.

For men both closeted and out, internalized homophobia levels have been found to be largest impediment to mental health for gay men. The experience of societal stigma, discrimination and oppression makes gay men view their sexual identity in a negative way and produces shame. This results in low esteem, emotional distress, physical dis-ease and increased suicide risk. Ask Angelo for yourself at http://www.askangelo.com/.

Need Someone Caring And Knowledgeable You Can Talk To And Trust?

2009-01-27T17:16:00.000-05:00

Need Someone Caring And Knowledgeable You Can Talk To And Trust?

My Promise To You: Dubbed The Gay Man's Therapist, I specialize in working with men. I will be glad to work with you whether you're comfortable thinking of yourself as pomosexual, gay, queer, same gender loving, bisexual, curious or exploring, questioning, metrosexual, normal, or straight at this time. I advocate to eradicate both internalized and external homonegativity.

As a gay professional who can understand, I will provide you with a safe supportive environment, solid focused care, and useful tools to help with your personal concerns. I dedicate myself in assisting you to: be more yourself, reduce your problems, resolve trauma, accomplish your goals, and thrive in a sometimes insensitive world.

I further specialize in Gender Issues and work with persons who think of themselves as transgender. If this sounds like you, I will be glad to work with you whether you think of yourself as transgender, transsexual, a crossdresser or someone else whose gender identity may not be adequately described by words.

While I specialize in treating men, as well as transgender persons, and in particular those of them who have experienced trauma, I do not exclude anyone who wishes to work with me. I tailor my services to meet your specific needs.

In my NYC based Private Practice, you can expect to get the highest level of sensitive quality treatment from me. I cap my private practice, preserving a limited caseload to ensure you'll receive an exclusive level of personalized service. So when you join my private practice, you'll be part of a select group of clientele that gets my full attention. When you come aboard with me, you get more than psychotherapy — You get a full package. Simply choose the consistent level of care you want.

For quick solutions, order your copy of STRAIGHT ACTING — GAY MEN, MASCULINITY, AND FINDING TRUE LOVE;

Feel free to post your comments below;

ASK ANGELO

2009-01-26T18:01:00.000-05:00

Ask Angelo Pezzote
Angelo, I believe that I'm far better off by subscribing to your column. I found useful answers to my questions when I needed them most. I wish I could thank you in person." Fred
Angelo, Your advice was all I needed to get things into motion. Tom

Got A Problem? Lessen Your Troubles. Being A Gay Man In A Heterosexist Homophobic Society Is Challenging. Angelo Throws Out The Life Lines! AskAngelo.com Is The 1st Place To Come For Gay Advice For Today's Gay Man. So good that some columns have been translated in Chinese, German, and Turkish. Read Online From Over 110 Countries. Get In The Know With Ask Angelo!

THE LATEST ASK ANGELO - All Out Of Love? Finding True Love, & Feel Good

2009-01-25T18:16:00.000-05:00

Inspiration - When you have a set back don't settle there. Don't focus on the whys. "Why me?" "This is so unfair!" Blaming, turning sour. "If only..." Because when this negative mindset sets in, we tend to get stuck there, making excuses as to why we can't change. Often we're waiting for something to happen before we change. "I'll do it when..." No, we have to make change happen with what we have right where we are. We have to turn a disadvantage into an opporunity. Don't focus on what's not right. Use what you have to make things better right now. Don't live a defeated depressed life.

Dear Angelo, Why does it seem as though so many gay men find it hard to get over past relationships? I have seen so many gay friends be deeply hurt and destroyed by relationships they cling to, even if they were bad. Signed, Straight Ally

Dear Straight Ally,
First off thanks for your caring letter and support. We need more of you. As far as your question goes, many gay men get emotionally wounded from not receiving an adequate amount of the love and support they desperately need and deserve from family, friends, colleagues, the world, and each other. So for many, love seems scarce. They may go on with a hole inside, starving, craving for love to fill it. Having wandered around in the desert, being thirsty for years, finally finding a bit of love is like finding a drop of water for some gay men. Surely, once they find any, they want to hold on to it for as long as they can. Doesn't matter if it's polluted or not. Who can blame them for clinging, not wanting to let the love they found go? They know how hard it can be when things get all dry out there.But release is an important part of life. We must learn to be able to let go and trust that better love is yet to come. In fact, our true soulmate and allies won’t be able to come into our lives until we clean out the old love - who wasn’t our soulmate - and all the hurt in our hearts. This becomes easier if you focus on the abundance of love, not the absence. Last time I was on Miami Beach, I looked at all the people soaking up the sun. I realized no matter how many people were on the beach, there would be enough sun for everyone. The same is true for the Universe, Mind, or Spirit. Given this powerful Life Energy, Prana, or Chi, there will always be enough of everything to go around -- money, time, love -- and anything else! The secret is believing this Ultimate Source is good. It's always for us and never against us. It favors you and only wants to bring you good things. Trust in this Presence, i.e., knowing you're never alone, you're loved, and you can expect good things, aligns with this Energy, this Truth, and returns to you everything you want like a basketball bouncing off a backboard. All The Best, Angelo http://www.askangelo.com/

Tell Angelo, your story by posting your comments below;

Explosive and Controversial Memoir by Dennis J. Schleicher: What is Self-homophobia = Low Self-Esteem

2009-01-24T20:03:00.000-05:00

Explosive and Controversial Memoir by Dennis J. Schleicher: What is Self-homophobia = Low Self-Esteem

Single And Sick Of It? Feel Empty? A Void? Coupled Yet Lonely? Fear Coming Out?

2009-01-24T18:28:00.000-05:00

Fed up with the fact that men have a shorter shelf life than sushi?
Finding, let alone building, a strong relationship can still be challenging for gay men. The reason? Masculinity. All men, gay or straight, have been socialized to believe that to be overtly gay is unmanly and shameful. To compensate, many gay men adopt a macho, “straight acting” pose that blocks them from being their full selves, expressing their true feelings, and forging real, lasting connections.
In Straight Acting, Angelo Pezzote (AskAngelo.com) encourages readers to go beyond limiting ideas of how men should behave, and leave behind out-dated ways of being that create stumbling blocks to deeper intimacy. Drawing on his years of experience as a gay psychotherapist and advice columnist, he offers practical and thoughtful relationship strategies, with tips on subjects that include coming out, dating, how to avoid falling for a player, how to maintain a sizzling, satisfying sex life, navigating open relationships, and much more. Most of all, he delivers crucial insights on the importance of ditching the macho act and learning to be true to yourself. Whether you're single and sick of it, wanting to move closer to your partner, or wondering how to meet someone for the very first time, let Angelo show you how to get real and get him. Put yourself out there to get - and keep - the love you want.
Inside Cover Flap
Author Angelo Pezzote is a leading gay psychotherapist, presenter and journalist. Originally educated and trained as a pharmacist, he first broadened his practice by visiting the Amazon rainforest and exploring the natural roots of modern medicine. After traveling much of the world and learning from many cultures, he decided to expand his knowledge and study the field of behavioral medicine or health psychology, which focuses upon how biological, psychological and social factors affect illness and wellness. He subsequently earned a second professional degree in counseling psychology. Today, as a mental health counselor, he now helps thousands of gay people thrive in a sometimes insensitive world. They find self-acceptance and greater fulfillment through his private practice, workshops, widely visited website (Askangelo.com), Ask Angelo column, television apperances (including The Montel Williams Show) and other media features.